Cat Hunger Games Book 1
by ComedyMaster333
Summary: The first 3 parts in 1 story, so you don't have to keep clicking!
1. Author's Note (IMPORTANT)

_Dear Reader,  
I like Italics. They swerve sideways, and are much better than_ **BOLD**_. I made this version to prevent you from clicking and scrolling your mouse multiple times. Anyways, I hope you enjoy my motion-picture presentation of a story about some girl who has been used in over 24,000 parodies on this website so far. Even though there are at least... one sec, I have to check... 24,391 other parodies on the Hunger Games, I am 22.693% sure you will like this more than the other versions. Be sure to like me on facebook, follow me on twitter, do whatever you do on Instagram, leave a review, and then finally realize that I do not have an account for any of these websites. To explain what you'll be in for in a short amount of words, I will say that you will experience: Catopals, meemas, random commentary by the author, invisible trees, football, gummy-worm pancakes, "zombies", and lots of KATNISS. What are these things? No time to explain or it will ruin the flow of the book! Sit back, relax, grab a bag of chocolate-covered macadamia nuts, (yes, that's the new thing) and enjoy the book!_

_**The End**__** -ComedyMaster333 (PS, there are still 3 more chapters to go!)**_


	2. Chapter 1

PART 1: THE REAPING

"Die Cat-o!" I say fericiously. How did I get here? *flashback*

It was the day of reaping. This day was dreaded by all of the cats. There were 12.5 districts. District 13 was supposed to be dead but (spoiler) they still live underground. The Hunger Games was a reminder from the Catopal that they could destroy anyone they wanted. Every year, they held the games for cats ages 2-5. It used to be 12 to 18, but most cats don't live that long. If they did, you know what would happen.

I am Katniss. I live in district 12 with my mom-which I call meema-and my little brother Prim. I know that's a girl name, but that's what the author named him. (Stupid author) We quickly got out of our house in the String, which is the poor part of the district. We got a spot in the town square and waited for the others to arrive.

Everyone crowded in the town square. "Ow, someone is stepping on my foot!" a random cat hissed. I quickly moved my foot before they would know who it was. "It's now time to begin the ripping. Er- excuse me. Reaping." Effie Trinkitty announced. "I shall now pick names out of this dead fox's skin. Yes, I know, our budget is a little tight." Anxiety grew as they wheeled in the dead fox with flies buzzing around it. "The girl tribute is..." *dramatic pause*

"Prim!" Effie announced. "Wait, what?" I was very confused. Prim walked up and they saw that he was a boy. "Whoops, we'll have to pick again. This year's girl tribute is..." *another dramatic pause* "Katniss!" I was frozen with shock. Literally. They had to pull me up to the stage. "The boy tribute is..." *third dramatic pause* "What does this say?" Effie paused. The peacecats walked up and whispered something to her. "Peeta Lark!" she finished. He strode up to the stage, confident. "I feel bad for you. That sounds like a birds name." I tell Peeta. "It comes from my mom's side," he replied.

"That's all folks!" Effie concluded. Families walked back to their houses, relieved that their child had not been picked. We only had five minutes to say goodbye. When I'm about to board the train, I find a Mockingjay pin on the ground. "Eww. Looks like it's used. What the heck is that?" Mockingjays hasn't been invented yet. It only took us ten minutes to get there. A bright light hit my eyes as the door opened.

The Catopal was beautiful. There was lots of white with splashes of vibrant colors. We walked down a path to the tower. "Ouch!" I hiss as I trip. Peeta helps me up, with a strange look in his eyes. I have never seen this look before. We are told that we have no mentor. "I thought we had this crazy guy named Haymitch?" I question. "Well, he kinda overdosed on beer. Long story." the peacecat replied. "Occording to the rules, we have to have SOMEONE train you." The only other one here is- Oh gosh. I don't even want to mention them. Guess What? We have to be trained by- the one and only- Effie Trinkitty.

"Stab! Slash!" Effie yells. We follow her command. When we arrive at the public training, we see lots of new cats. One of them looks really evil, so I name her Foxface.

Wait-Is that? I get a sudden excitement and rush toward the stack of balloons. I'm busy playing with them when I get interrupted by a large, muscular cat. He introduces himself as Flint, and seems interested in me. When he leaves, I blush. I have a medical problem, and whenever I seem balloons, I'm attracted to them like they're a magnet. Don't blame me, I inherited it from my great-grandfather Jimbo. Weird name, weird personality. I don't really want to talk about it.

Time for private sessions. Wonderful. I'm not a person who is generally good at anything, except for using a rocket launcher. Chances are, there isn't gonna be a rocket launcher in the Cornucopia. Hmm. Paint. I get a brilliant idea. When I'm called up, I grab some different colors of paint and some berries along with a huge backdrop. I spend a little more than half the time painting the landscape. I had to paint it rainbow because there was only a limited amount of paint. I use the berries to dye the body to fit in with the landscape. Afterwards, I look at the score for my private session. This year they added comments. I got a thirteen. New record. "I like Rainbow." The first comment. "Katniss is pretty" The second one. "Excellent job with the dyes" The third one. Finally a real comment. That's why you don't have Romney and Obama as commentators.

The moon falls right before the games. I can't sleep, so I go to the top of the tower. I sit, gazing at the moonlight until I hear footsteps. "Hey Lark" I say. "Ha ha ha Katniss." Peeta snickers as he sits next to me. "Hungry?" He tosses a live bird at the forcefield. Fried. "I've never had fried chicken before," I reply. We hold hands and look at the beautiful view of the Catopal.

I wake up noticing I'm on top of Peeta. "Awk-ward!" I quickly get up. The sun has risen and the games are about to begin. We get carried to the arena in a hovercraft and into the catacombs. I get into the capsule. I almost forget my uniform. Don't want to enter the arena without it! (That would just be weird.) The capsule slowly lifts up and I fill with excitement. "Finally I get to kill someone!" I say, evilly.

Read the second part for more laughs, strange commentary by the author, and embarrasing moments!

Want more than the original book?

s/8741248/1/Cat-Hunger-Games-A-parody-EX1-Tribute-Parade-How-Haymitch-Won


	3. Chapter 2

_**Cat Hunger Games Part 2: The**_** Games** A huge light blinds my eyes as the capsule slowly rises into the sunshine. I squint and manage to pick up some of the arena. I see a bright bubbling liquid. Lots of rock and dirt. Wait... is that? It's lava, and we're in a volcano arena. Closest to me there's a designer orange backpack which would definitely fit in with my already used pin. I also see a packet of beef jerky and some dried fruit. And there I see it, a sparkle maker. These things are incredibly rare and almost never found. They make shiny silver sparkles that float up from the top. The bell rings and I run to get it, but some other tributes are fighting for it, so I settle for the backpack, beef jerky, the fruit, and some black shades that look epic. I run away to find water, and I find some. In the backpack is a pocket knife, a bottle of water, and some weird circle thing. No idea what it is, but I'll find out later, like I did with the spile in the second book. Mmmmm, reminds me of maple syrup.

Anyways, I try to find some water, but this is a volcano. Not very much, unless you want to drink lava and eat obsidian. Even though obsidian is very nutricious and full of calcium, it tastes like an eggroll. I hate eggrolls. I find a natural spring with water. It's too hot to drink, so I put it on the circle. A blue light flashes and the water freezes. "Well that's helpful," I say. I lick it, but my tongue gets stuck. "MMMMRRRPPPHHHH!" I make a sound that's like a Thwomp from Mario. Those pesky things. Instinctively, I put the blob of ice and my tongue in the spring, realizing just too late. "ARUUUUUUUUUU!" The boiling water steams my tongue. Well, I won't be able to talk the next few days.

One day, I see the careers. There's no trees to hide in, which I originally did in the first book, so I run. I bump into something. It's an invisible tree! I climb up it and the careers are as confused as heck. "Trolololololololol suckers!" I taunt them. I start throwing my beef jerky at them. They start grumbling and talking about some guy thing. I think they mentioned "football". One of them runs straight into the trunk of the tree and gets knocked out cold.

I've been stuck up here for five days, and 3 of the 5 careers have already made a failing attempt to reach me. One of them is still knocked out cold, one has a concussion, and one has a broken pelvis. One of them shouts "Camping noob!". This angers me. "You think me, Katniss, would ever be a noob? Oh no you di'nt!" I am so offended. I take out my knife and jump from the tree. I land on two of the tributes, killing them from the impact. The cannons shoot for them, and one of the cannonballs hits one of the other careers in the back of the head. The other tributes run away yelling "she had cooties anyway!" before I can stab one of them with a knife to relieve all of my anger.

10 tributes left. 2 of the careers, (I got counted for killing the other 3, which got me a few sponsors.) the girl, Rue, from 11, both from 12, the sinister Foxface from 5, Thresh, Flint, and Cat-o. One other person I'm forgetting. "We will be having a feast! Be there!" I go to the feast, and there are numbered backpacks. Each one has a tribute's number on it. I am 25. I hear a hissing, but see nothing. Foxface, hiding in the Cornucopia, suddenly falls dead. Then a gas releases. I grab my bag and run. Apparently, poisonous gas was supposed to spew out from the Cornucopia, but Foxface was blocking the hose. Gamemaker fail.

I see Peeta rushing in one direction, and I follow him. He doesn't know I'm there. "Operation Recon!" I yell, and hide behind a rock. He turns, and sees nothing. I keep following him, hiding behind an object each time he turns. He finally catches me when I'm trying to be the ground. "HAVE YOU BEEN STALKING ME?" he seems angry. "It's not what it seems-" I try to answer but he cuts me off. "You were trying to pretend you were the ground. Either you've been following me or you have mental problems."

Peeta and I stayed together for a few days, but we ran out of food. "I'm starving!" I complain. "Whinings for babies and for noobs. Have you had your noob test recently?" Peeta replies. "What's that?" "It's a thing where they test your blood for noobiness. Noobiness is contagious, you know?" I sit staring at the ground, having no idea on what he just said. After several minutes, the hunger kicks back in. "Maybe my pin is edible..." I'm desparate by now. I take a bite, and two teeth come out. "I wonder if the tooth fairy will come." I fall asleep.

The next morning, I wake to myself breathing heavily. My view is all white. I shove whatever is in my face to my left. Never the right, it's bad luck. It's a sponsor package. "FINALLY YOU GUYS COME TO YOUR SENSE AND SEND KATNISS EVERDEEN, YOUR OVERLORD, SOMETHING TO SNACK ON! My wittle tummie's gotta have some juice. Juice!" I reply. Maybe I do have noobiness. I open the package, to find that there's a note. Only a note. "From the tooth fairy, This is all I could afford. This is for loosing your tooth(ies). Blah Blah Blah bli blah chacarron maccaron me gusta las fritas crossaint." I eat the paper, it's the first thing I've eaten for days, and it's not too bad.

5 tributes left. The two district 12 peeps (Let me hear a little wut wut!) Thresh, Cat-o and Flint. They start to flood the map with lava, driving us close to the center. Thresh dies from the flood. Peeta, Flint, and I meet at the Cornucopia. "Katniss!" Flint says happily. "She's my girl," Peeta replies. They both shoot an angry glance at each other. They fight for a while. Too bad I don't have popcorn. They both make occasional comments complementing me and giving each other death threats. Cat-o comes bursting in and crashes into both of them. "TOUCHDOWN!" He yells. "Dang, wrong sport." The three wrestle each other until the lava burns them all into a crisp. "Katniss Everdeen wins!" the announcer announces announcingly. "Thank you tooth fairy! I would like to also thank my family, friends, neighbors, and my cat Buttercup! He's the cewtest wittle thing. Yes he is. Yes he is. Thanks all of you SPONSORS WHO GENEROUSLY DONATED TO ME *sarcasm*,"

I get carried into a hovercraft and carried away. I had won the games, and I won't have to sit alone at lunch anymore! :DDDDDDDDDDD

_**TO BE CONTINUED, SO BE PREPARED TO WAIT POSSIBLY SEVERAL MONTHS FOR A SEQUEL.**_

Liked it? Read this:

s/8741248/1/Cat-Hunger-Games-A-parody-EX1-Tribute-Parade-How-Haymitch-Won


	4. Chapter 3

Winning the games was the best thing I've that's ever happened to me. I've got VIP passes to concerts for Justin Beiber, Selena Gomez, and my personal favorite, Keyboard Cat. I FINALLY got a boyfriend. His name is Dylan, and I nicknamed him "brick". He has brown curly hair and is good at cat soccer. Today, I am illegally hunting animals in the forest. Why? I won the Hunger Games and I can do whatever I want. I lit the coal pile on fire, and it at least spiraled up to 10 feet. No punishment. It's like hacking into a pokemon game for unlimited health.

In the forest, I killed a squirrel, a bunny, and a person. I punished them because they were illegally hunting in the forest. IDIOT. They should know not to do that. I mean really, who hunts in an illegal spot. Oh. I do. Nevermind. I'd shoot myself, but that would be pointless. I came back to the fence and found out it was actually on today. The lasers were on, and the only way to get over was to jump from a tree. I had lots of experience from the games because of my "firebird kill" :3 (Halo terminology). I spend most of my time playing Halo and Black ops 2. It's so fun pwning those district 1 noobs.

Anyways, the district has the best caterers. I get free food because I won. I usually eat chocolate bacon and gummy worm-pancakes for breakfast, a bacon sandwich with mayo for lunch, and a Big Mac for dinner. I exercise daily (by wiggling my arms and brushing my teeth) and eat healthily. VERY healthily. Don't forget dessert. A bacon milkshake with chocolate ice cream, chopped oreos, and 2 quarts of whipped cream. Bacon is an important part of a healthy diet.

I was busy playing my usual game of Black Ops (2) with my china lake and L96A1. A guy released an airstrike and killed me several times so I ragequitted. I was trying to find something fun to do, rather than just sitting around all day. I decided to go for a jog around the district. I walked 10 feet, but then decided to turn around because it was too hard. I ordered a chariot (Limos are SO lame) to carry me instead. They arrived within 10 minutes of calling, so I gave them a 3.17$ tip, while wasting all of the extra change I had. They started debating about who would get the extra penny, so I took 17 cents back. Even number.

They took me around the town and I waved to everyone. It was a pleasant jog around town (except the people did the jog for me) until it got a little weird. A gang of dudes (yes dudes) tackled the pullers. They fell over and started punching the chariot. I hopped out, grabbed my wallet, and ran as fast as I could. The food must've had a negative effect on me, because the guy caught up to me. He pushed me to the ground and said "This is what you get for letting Peeta die". He pulled out a knife and was about to stab me when Peeta pushes the guy over. "Peeta!" I say, "We have _so much to do, so much to see, so what's wrong with taking the back-street. You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow. Hey now, you're a rockstar, get your show on, get laid-"_ I get interrupted by a slap, straight to the face. "Owwwwie! Ok, no more songs." I screech, and say regretfully.

Right now, you're probably wondering why Peeta is still alive. Well, he was alive. After the games, they took his body to experiment on. They knew it would fail, so they tested on the least important. Turns out, their theory was proved. The actually brought Peeta back to life. No, not a zombie or anything. Alive. Everyone was confused on what happened, and one pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He approached me but I jerked my head back. Do not want to kiss a dead person.

It was almost time for the victory parade. This is when I have to parade around the districts (and the Capitol) and have feasts with the mayors. Yuk. I have to share a table with President Snow. I don't know why, but he seems so... malicious. Oh well, it's probably because Peeta and I survived in the original book and President Snow wants to kill us. (SPOILER #5) _**!**_ You've read your fifth spoiler from this series! If you haven't read the book(s), then you probably want to chop my head off with a banana. Too bad I haven't told you my address.


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